A good friend of mine suggested that I write about moms and mental health for one of my blog posts. She’s a single mom that lives near Detroit and has a son with cystic fibrosis. She’s one of the best moms I’ve ever encountered. She’s truly an inspiration. This friend of mine shared that it helps her to read blogs about moms and mental health. She urged that I share my unique perspective about mental health and getting help in the possibility of reaching someone who may be reluctant to seek help themselves.
As moms, we want you to know: there is no shame in asking for help.
Most people wouldn’t say the following, but I will. I’ve been fortunate to have grown up exposed to mental health issues. Why am I fortunate? I never experienced the stigma surrounding it. I know the stigma exists, but I’ve never let it bother me. There is mental illness in my family. I’ve visited mental health hospitals, and I had a personal connection with someone who committed suicide. I had experienced all of this by the time I turned 15 years old. Seeing a psychologist didn’t mean you were crazy in my world. It meant you were taking care of your mental health.
Moms: How’s your mental health?
Yes, I see a psychologist for therapy. I will honestly say I have never once been ashamed of seeing a therapist and that’s why I am expressing this on a public platform. You are free to think I’m “looney as a tune” (my doctor’s phrase.) You see, my anxiety often takes over my mind. I envision my anxiety as Pac Man – munching away at my brain instead of those dots on the screen. The dots represent the parts of my brain that think logically. By the time Pac Man has a full tummy, I’ve convinced myself the worst scenario can and will happen. The scenario can be ridiculous, impossible, laughable. It doesn’t matter. Pac Man is sporting a big goofy grin: my anxiety has won the game.
That’s where my doctor comes in, he can center me. When things have become extremely traumatic in my life, he is literally the only person who can break through my swirling thoughts and help me to think logically. Despite what he may think, I listen to him. Ok, I hear him. Often, in the last decade, I chose not to listen. I’m very stubborn. However, I’ve made great strides in the past year alone because I was finally willing to do the work.
What I want people to realize if they are considering therapy is that choosing a doctor is not always easy. It’s a relationship much like any other, you have to find someone who fits your needs. I met my doctor roughly 15 years ago. Prior to meeting him, I had tried a few others and we just didn’t click. Over the past 15 years, there have been times that I have “disappeared” on him because I was seething with anger or felt like I didn’t want to share what was going on in my life with him.
I’m just so very stubborn.
I have shopped around for other doctors, which made me feel like I was therapist-cheating. (Is that a thing? Well, it is now.) I’ve always ended up crawling back to him, tail between my legs, because his methods work for me. We click. I have no qualms telling him how exceptionally annoying I find him to be. I think he actually enjoys hearing that because it means he’s getting through to me. He’s tough. There are times when I leave a session exhausted or crying or both. But he works for me. He may not work for everyone, though.
The lesson here? Please do not give up on therapy if you meet someone that you just don’t mesh with. Keep trying.
There are other things that I have learned about therapy over the years that I want to share. These are personal observations; I’m not citing any sources.
Therapy can be expensive. I’ve had to budget or go on payment plans to afford it. I do that because it’s a priority for me and I know it helps.
There is a shortage of mental health professionals right now. Expect to wait. My doctor books 3 or 4 months out. Every office likely has their own methods of getting people into appointments. Make sure to ask about that. Get on a cancellation list if there is one.
Honor your appointments. Show up early or on time and don’t cancel. If you absolutely have to cancel, give enough notice.
Have an open mind and be willing to do the work. It really isn’t easy, but the benefits are priceless.
You may have noticed throughout this post I have failed to say my doctor’s name. That’s by design. I don’t want him to get anymore booked than he already is. I say that in jest. He wouldn’t want this attention for himself, but he wants the topic of moms’ mental health to get attention. He truly loves his job and he enjoys helping (and annoying) his patients. I know he’s proud I’m writing this. He told me it’s important.
He also said I have to dedicate my first book to him. So, to him I say: this post is for you, so even if I never become a famous writer, I can say I dedicated something to you. I owe you a wealth of gratitude and written words will never express how thankful I am.
And I’m too stubborn to say this to your face.
You may also be interested in: Rising Above the Anxiety and Mom Guilt
