Changing My Lens: Getting a New Perspective

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The picture that I judged

“What an awful picture. I don’t like this picture.” Those were my first thoughts. But I quickly realized that those were not the right thoughts. I know now that I need to change my lens. Not my camera lens – just the lens I use to look at myself. It’s time to put away our snap judgements and enjoy the memory! 

Some Background

Sometimes you have to make the most of things you don’t like. Like this massive April snowstorm that left us with nearly 30 inches of snow and massive snow drifts. The thing about this winter is we had snow, but it was also either brutally cold or raining, so the amount of playtime outside wasn’t that much. So, my sons have been enjoying the last couple days where we have decently warm weather, but also huge piles of snow to play in. I remembered back to a time when I was a little girl and my dad dug my siblings and I a fort in the drift. I decided to try to make that for my oldest. He loves construction and I knew he would think it was fun to pretend he was digging in his own salt mine! 

The other thing that was good about making the fort was I put everything else aside. A lot of times when I get home from work, my brain goes to dinner, homework, bath-time, laundry, etc. The evenings are so busy, it isn’t always easy to take the time to play. On this particular day, I decided to forget all the other stuff and just play with my boys. And that felt good. My oldest and I had a blast digging out the tunnel. He laughed every time he got to crawl back in to see if it was deep enough or tall enough. Honestly, it is a great memory.

Putting Myself in the Picture

Since we had such fun, I was taking quite a few pictures of my son playing in his salt mine. Then, I did something else that I rarely do – I decided that I should be in the picture. So often, as moms, we are taking pictures of moments but not capturing ourselves in those moments. I want to fix this. So, I gave my husband a call to come in from the greenhouses (he works at home), and asked him to take a picture of my son and I in the fort. I was excited to “capture the moment.” 

Snap Judgements

Later, when my boys and I came in from playing outside, I opened my phone and looked at the picture. And my heart sank a little. My first thoughts: “What an awful picture. I don’t like this picture….I look awful.” Instantly, I made a bunch of snap judgements about myself: “I should have laid sideways; the black jacket makes me look huge; maybe I am huge; I should have angled myself more; how many chins is that; well, this is motivation to keep getting up at 4:30 to work-out.” And the biggest one: “I should probably just delete this photo.” 

The truth is, I am not happy with where I am at; I have 20 lbs of baby weight that have lingered too long…but I am working on it and am confident that I will achieve my goals. And honestly, that is besides the point completely! I should have looked at the picture and thought, “That really was fun. I am glad to have captured the moment.” Instead, I put myself down. Instead, I debated erasing one of the few pictures I remembered to put myself in. But don’t worry, I didn’t delete it. I did, though, give myself a bit of a pep talk about perspective. (Enough of a pep talk that I even became willing to post this picture on the ever-relentless internet…)

Changing the Lens

I challenge you to ask yourself – are you looking at yourself with the right lens? Too often, we moms look at all our faults at the end of each day: we weren’t patient enough, we didn’t get enough work done, we left the dirty dishes, the kids didn’t get a bath, they will definitely wear mis-matched socks again the next day, etc. Or, the bigger ones we judge ourselves for: we aren’t in enough pictures, we have weight to lose, we don’t take any me-time (but then feel guilty when we take it), etc. The reality is that I was looking at myself with a negative lens. Instead of being proud of myself for remembering to take a picture of myself with my kids, I looked poorly on myself and my body image. That was the wrong lens to use, and I am working on changing how I let myself think about myself. I want to look at that picture and be proud that I took the time to play, rather than do housework. I want to look at that picture and laugh at the fun memory. I don’t want to look at that picture and judge myself. 

Neither of my kids learned to walk or talk in one day, so I know I won’t be fixing my perspective issue in one day. It is going to be an on-going battle, but ultimately, I am going to change my perspective so that I can look back at this picture and smile. 

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